you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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