I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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