Say something about gay babies.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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