nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize