So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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