I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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