she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
