I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
