Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
