did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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