Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
