Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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