are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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