She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
