i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
