Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
