Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
