Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize