I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize