he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
