i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
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