no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
