We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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