problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
