I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
