How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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