ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
