Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
