Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
