fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
