the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
