so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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