So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
