when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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