I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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