oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
