turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I FOUND THE LEGS
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize