one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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