just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
