that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
