He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
