I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
