lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
