Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
