My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
