READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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