PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
