i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
