You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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