I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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