i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Floor bacon is actually really good
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
there is puke in my bra ... again
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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