Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
