if i can run in heels then i can drive
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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