I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
