This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize