I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
