They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
