FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
