you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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