Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I checked into jail on foursquare
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
