my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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