i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
