She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize