very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
