That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
