i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
