he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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