the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
