Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
