If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
