please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
