So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
