9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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