We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
