Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
