Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Randomize