im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize