not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
