She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
