Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
