Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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