I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize