Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just tell him i said nine months
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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