I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
