Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This baby is an asshole
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
