ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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