Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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