dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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