I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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