Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
