You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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