Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
