She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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