she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
