3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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