This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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