apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
