All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
