I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
