We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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