you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
