oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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